Ad Infinitum

“There are seven deadly sins… write which ones define you from best to worst and why. List your favorite and least favorite. Which sins best define you?”

1. Lust: I am an unashamed pervert and collector of porn. I don’t think the actual sin of Lust has much to do with me, though. I prefer my collection to the “game”.
2. Gluttony: I got you a cake, but I eated it.
3. Sloth: This is more of the sin of apathy, I guess. I buy into it more often than not.
4. Greed: I’m not particularly greedy, but then again I have everything I want and I buy everything I don’t already have.
5. Pride: My opinions change too often to be prideful over something. I don’t fancy myself the top dog in anything.
6. Envy: I envy very few people. I’m just happy with what I have.
7. Wrath: I’m not explosive, but I do love my grudges.

Worst: Sloth, probably because I don’t think it’s a problem. Apathy suggests you were supposed to give a shit and you didn’t, and I resent the suggestion. In a literal sense of the word, well, I love lounging around doing nothing.
Best: Greed? I don’t know. I’d like to to think I am pretty charitable and don’t overspend on toys.

Sixteen Random Things You Don’t Want To Know About Me

1. I can’t drive with shoes on. I accelerate with my big toe and if I can’t make the connection between flesh of foot and metal of pedal then my driving suffers drastically. Socks are alright, but sandals are too far. I think this may be illegal in some states.

2. I cannot use public restrooms if there is someone from the public in the restroom. It is a physical impossibility. My brain will not allow me to go in a urinal if there is someone else in the room that I do not know. It’s Freudian, probably.

3. I have to sleep in the nude. With the lights off. And it has to be cold. This hearkens back to days of yore, when men hibernated in caves, warmed only by the hair of their back.

4. I’d really like to have kids, but I hate the idea of getting married. Being a dad is the coolest idea ever, but being a husband isn’t. I blame women for being bitches and kids for being cool and gullible.

5. My biggest hope, dream, and goal is purchase my own house and open it up for people to come and visit, just like my mom does with her home. I don’t put a lot of ownership in my car, lifestyle, etc, but this is different.

6. I bite my nails. It’s horrible, but at the same time it’s funny the times I’ll catch myself doing it and not even realizing. I subconsciously roll my thumb around my fingertips, silently judging the next in line to be taken.

7. I don’t like the idea of traveling. I am very xenophobic and I don’t gain any pleasure from road-trips or vacationing in other countries, states, or even cities. Free-time is best spent at home, in my room, alone with music and thought. I don’t need to go somewhere else to “unwind”.

8. To sort’ve go with the above entry, I don’t like going to the same place in the same day. I consider it wasteful to drive past somewhere earlier in the day, only to drive back there in the evening– let’s say for dinner. This is considered a pussy-ass whiny bitch trait.

9. Unlike my cousin, I constantly get quotes wrong, forget lyrics, and other shit like that. Out of the things I have memorized, you have my credit-card information, social security number, home phone number, and that’s it. I keep notepads and .txt files to remind myself of everything else.

10. I hate Sundays. I can’t do anything on Sunday because, no matter what I do, it’s going to be a work day the next day and therefore I must be gloomy. Conversely, you have Saturdays where, no matter what I do, there’s always another day off to follow.

11. I love sleep more than the normal human does. I’d rather lie in bed for four additional hours than get up on days off. The longest I’ve ever slept is 14 hours. It is not a rare occurrence.

12. I’d rather spend time hanging out with a cat than a woman. Bake me a pie.

13. I can’t stand the taste of alcohol. Everything I try has this horrible, burning sensation as it goes down my throat. Is this normal? Do you people get off to that shit? Because of this, I am a teetotaler.

14. I am deathly afraid of whales. A recurring nightmare pits me in the middle of the great blue sea, with no land in sight. I hear the horrid call of the pod, and see their tails rise in the distance. In the ocean, I have no ability to quickly get anywhere and am at the total mercy of what amounts to a gigantic fucking mouth.

15. I love Peanut Butter, and I love Chocolate. But if you mix the two, as in certain candy bars or often with cookies, then it becomes this fetid, blasphemous thing that I refuse to eat. Reese’s Pieces are still okay. Actually, anything other than normal P.B. is fucking terrible. Cookies, fudge, etc. can get out.

16. Some people want to do something with their lives. Some crave work, others fame or personal growth; I just want to idle about. Many people I know consider their day “wasted” if they haven’t gone somewhere or done something that, in their minds, amounts to progress. Me? I think the nicest thing I can be afforded is to just sit around and chill out. To be able to laze is the greatest show of wealth a man can perform.